I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
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