The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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