I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
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