proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
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