Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize