puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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