I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
