You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
he shaved USA in his pubs
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
