Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
