I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
