Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
