Come see our sink grown plant.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
