Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
