stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize
