hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
Randomize