she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
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