Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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