his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
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