I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
