Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Randomize
