I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Randomize
