How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
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