i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
