first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize