so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
