o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
