remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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