There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
