I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
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