I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Randomize
