I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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