New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
