Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
