Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
