this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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