I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Randomize
