Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
