my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Randomize
