Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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