I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Randomize
