if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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