I'm gonna have a badass scar
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
