He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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