Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
