What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
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