All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Randomize
