Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Less talking, more tequila
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
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