just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Randomize
