in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
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