ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
