I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
Randomize
