I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
