WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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