i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
