are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
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