All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
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