Sorry, I don't speak sober.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
