As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
