Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
