She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
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