I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
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