porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
