She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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