Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
