I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Randomize