Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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