My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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