Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
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