cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
