you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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