eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Randomize
