Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
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