I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
