So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize