Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
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