I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
