Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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