it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Randomize
